tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-301152602024-03-07T01:56:15.139-07:00The Center for Unhindered LivingQuestioning the Thoughts that Hinder our Health and HappinessJudie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-63896170086976588172023-08-02T01:14:00.004-06:002023-08-02T01:20:45.503-06:00Great Keto Cookbook<p> <span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Would you believe you can still eat dessert every day and still lose weight? Try this cookbook. </span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://keto-adapted.com/product/the-art-of-healthy-eating-sweets/?ref=320" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="305" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKhGAbG7VLkaBWDk4hKKrYZ3_yQvBIhQwNvNoor5MWIZhrIpVSs02Mb4HN5J3DG9-8zWaBVImhOqVh450M7JOsJYJj96UqKKqG74So_LTTQ7tt2CUB6qNWMvkDD5ciiYQeuvOA4V-YkgCdT6GDYnpjbqcNBmzxV73D_oecANF3qYV8dTjHfx3D9w/w244-h320/IMG_1891.jpeg" width="244" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> To learn more about the keto/carnivore lifestyle and it’s health benefits, <a href="https://keto-adapted.com/?ref=320" target="_blank">Click Here.</a></span><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Visit our Amazon store to see <a href="https://www.amazon.com/shop/unhinderedliving/list/279CFTDKH4RQZ?ref_=aip_sf_list_spv_ofs_mixed_d" target="_blank">Products that Help Me Live the Keto Lifestyle</a></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Visit us on <a href="https://www.Facebook.com/unhinderedliving" target="_blank">Facebook</a><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p></div>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-4908114103529091622022-05-05T12:38:00.007-06:002022-06-30T14:33:23.257-06:00Polyamory-Friendly Therapists in Colorado Springs<p><span style="font-size: large;"> Dr. Justin Lincoln, Clinical Psychologist.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">1011 N. Weber Street</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Colorado Springs, CO 80903</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">719-578-9888</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Paul Gross, LPC</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.4squarecounseling.com/?fbclid=IwAR0iV0CA8D_21xYuJCkos02v20uqIqdFa-D2DzMKBKcMf8K_e2aVOdOI0QU">https://www.4squarecounseling.com/?fbclid=IwAR0iV0CA8D_21xYuJCkos02v20uqIqdFa-D2DzMKBKcMf8K_e2aVOdOI0QU</a></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Dara Hoffman-Fox</span></p><p><a href="https://darahoffmanfox.com/"><span style="font-size: large;">https://darahoffmanfox.com/</span></a></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Dan Johnson</span></p><p><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/dan-e-johnson-colorado-springs-co/198539"><span style="font-size: large;">https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/dan-e-johnson-colorado-springs-co/198539</span></a></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Stevi Stephens-Martin</span></p><p><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/stevi-l-stephens-martin-colorado-springs-co/477017"><span style="font-size: large;">https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/stevi-l-stephens-martin-colorado-springs-co/477017</span></a></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Louis Hoffman</span></p><p><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/louis-hoffman-colorado-springs-co/261056"><span style="font-size: large;">https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/louis-hoffman-colorado-springs-co/261056</span></a></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Michael Moats</span></p><p><a href="https://drmichaelmoats.com/services/"><span style="font-size: large;">https://drmichaelmoats.com/services/</span></a></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Katie McGuire</span></p><p><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/katherine-m-mcguire-colorado-springs-co/184329"><span style="font-size: large;">https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/katherine-m-mcguire-colorado-springs-co/184329</span></a></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Haley Wise</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://thecompassionatecollective.com/">https://thecompassionatecollective.com/</a></span></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Erica Henkel</span></p><p><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/erica-henkel-colorado-springs-co/713900"><span style="font-size: large;">https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/erica-henkel-colorado-springs-co/713900</span></a></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Caren Kelly</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Life’s Hope Therapeutic Services in Arvada, CO</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">720-523-3523</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Caren@carenkellyrelationshiptherapy.org </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Or caren@lifeshope.net</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Follow our Podcast</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://PSpolyamory.podbean.com">Plus Size Polyamory</a></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-63430709319718551462022-03-28T09:08:00.002-06:002022-03-28T19:46:41.791-06:00Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUDRuV8twMIcWS0zaoh1vZpDqQo7cqr1ZKDyeK5St-C7xRRu4dJ5--OMAuGk2TzQLo4qsr9o9--80s4M3yE4yXQ-rHeFs8B4ORA2jKvHMqXa7C4M6JOvUDs5WkYt6C_fpgmp5TwNe147AXUZuqUPU32ZlUcEnWmFoldMHfm6ig9Ua-t1krauY/s1616/20220324_111317.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1616" data-original-width="1212" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUDRuV8twMIcWS0zaoh1vZpDqQo7cqr1ZKDyeK5St-C7xRRu4dJ5--OMAuGk2TzQLo4qsr9o9--80s4M3yE4yXQ-rHeFs8B4ORA2jKvHMqXa7C4M6JOvUDs5WkYt6C_fpgmp5TwNe147AXUZuqUPU32ZlUcEnWmFoldMHfm6ig9Ua-t1krauY/s320/20220324_111317.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>I am sitting here this fine Monday morning, contemplating my purpose and intention for the day. No, actually for the year, and perhaps the decade.</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>Robert Herrick’s poem, from which the title of this post is taken, enjoins young virgins to marry while they are young, when their “youth and blood are warmer.” In other words, don’t waste time. Take advantage of your opportunities while they exist.</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>I am 61 years old at the time of this writing. Many people would say my opportunities are past. But I beg to differ. This decade is shaping up to be the best decade of my life. When I ask people to guess my age, they usually say 45 or 50, and I don’t correct them unless there is a need to. 45 is just about how I feel in my mind. Old enough to have learned a few things. Young enough to still enjoy life.</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>What am I enjoying? I am enjoying the love and attention of men of all ages. 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. And it is glorious.</b></span></p><p><b style="font-family: verdana;">My husband and I are polyamorous. What does that mean? It means we not only love each other, but agree that others are welcome in our relationship as well. No judgement, no jealousy, just multiple consensual meaningful relationships. We follow the ancient and newly rediscovered paradigm of ethical non-monogamy. </b></p><p><b style="font-family: verdana;">What makes it ethical to have multiple partners? The honesty, openness, and transparency with which we approach our relationships, and in fact our whole lives. We have no secrets. Each of us knows about what the other is doing, and agree to it. There is no cheating, and no deception. </b></p><p><b style="font-family: verdana;">No, we haven’t broken our wedding vows. We are not promising “til death do us part” although we see no reason why we would part. We have promised to love each other, support each other, and stay together, as long as it is healthy for both of us. We did not vow to be the only love in each other’s lives, because that would be unhealthy.</b></p><p><b style="font-family: verdana;">As a human species, non-monogamy is our genetic inheritance. Our DNA is encoded with genes that encourage us to bond with multiple partners. For millions of years, this was the norm, until so-called “civilization” decided otherwise. </b></p><p><b style="font-family: verdana;">Now, instead of just accepting the dictates of society, you have another choice. Multiple choices, really, because polyamory knows no boundaries. There’s no wrong way to do it, and no one way that is best for everyone. </b></p><p><b style="font-family: verdana;">What this means for me is, I feel gloriously and wonderfully alive. Fully in control of and enjoying my sexual freedom to express myself in whatever way I choose. And taking back the terms “slut” and “whore” from the depths of non-respectability.</b></p><p><b style="font-family: verdana;">A woman, or man for that matter, should not be labeled negatively because they enjoy the full range of sexual experience available to them. And anyone who knows me knows I will not tolerate shaming in this matter.</b></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>What does polyamory look like for us? Multiple friends, friends with benefits, non-sexual romantic partnerships, and fully sexual intimate partners. They all meet legitimate needs, and are all perfectly natural and satisfying.</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>Consequently, the decade of my sixties is looking to be the best of my life. Yes, I wish I had pursued this lifestyle when I was younger, but these choices were not available to me at that time. And now they are. Being free to love whoever you choose opens up so many possibilities in your life. You can’t imagine the exhilaration, the sense of the unlimited. </b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>As I sit here and contemplate the day, and the decade, my intention is to wring every ounce of meaning out of it that I can. To share my love with as many people as I can, as long as those relationships provide meaningful emotional connections. Because that’s what we all want - connection.</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>Listen to our <a href="https://PSpolyamory.podbean.com">Podcast</a></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>Subscribe to our <a href="https://youtube.com/user/unhinderedliving">YouTube Channel</a></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>Join our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Unhinderedliving">Facebook page.</a></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><strike style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b style="font-family: verdana; text-align: left;"><br /></b></strike></div><p></p>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-46315564629692049082022-02-15T09:23:00.024-07:002022-03-28T07:36:15.087-06:00The History of Marriage - And a Better Way<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><strike style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjDBuecKTpbiopxyiBosEAEdQD6KbBzjGnOd3EVP01C_fyM8dYVZQBt-inycE15ctRA6AEArmQcsiJrhPYdX1vVlBxa8QtRNjyjMMxal1VJyduaOYE1BmkFlrHFe1nVyY3h_bjdmLB2r_sma0DGswf9KbxPZVOXgOganGSnu5e_RzOg8G2Izh8=s320" width="234" /></strike></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">It is widely agreed that marriage began long before recorded history. Originally, marriages had multiple partners. In both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible, marriages with multiple partners were the norm. </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">The earliest recorded evidence of marriage was in 2350 BC in the Far East. Over the next several hundred years, marriage evolved into a widespread institution embraced by various cultures. Monogamy was first codified as the only legal choice by the Romans between the 2<sup>nd</sup> and 3<sup>rd</sup> centuries. Then it became the guiding force for Western marriages some time between the 6<sup>th</sup> and 9<sup>th</sup> centuries due to a protracted battle between the Catholic Church and the local nobility, who wanted to take multiple wives. </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="color: #cccccc; font-size: 18pt;">X</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">It’s important to note here that nothing in the Bible even suggests that monogamy was the only accepted form of relationship structure. Monogamy was never mentioned or commanded for the average person. The only exception to this was in the qualifications of bishops/pastors/elders that they be the husband of one wife. This was not a spiritual requirement, only a practical one. If one was going to devote their life to managing the affairs of the church, he would not have the time to provide for and keep happy more than one wife. This was not a command that all people be monogamous. The fact that this requirement was mentioned at all indicates that plural marriage was the norm, or else there would have been no need to specify monogamy for elders. Nowhere in the Bible are plural relationships condemned or prohibited.</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">The main purpose of marriage early on was to act as an alliance between families, for either economic or political reasons, or both. Marriage did not start out as a union between people who loved each other and wanted to commit their lives to each other. If two neighboring countries were at war, they might seek to establish peace by having a son and daughter from each noble family to marry. Most of the time these young people had no say in the matter. Marriage was a financial transaction. The father of the groom paid a bride price, or dowry, to purchase the bride, and she was considered her husband’s property. It didn’t matter if they loved each other or not, and no one cared about their happiness. It was irrelevant. So, you see, marriage was really a despicable institution with a sordid history. Nothing more than a financial and social contract. Another purpose of it was to legitimize offspring, because you didn’t want to pass your land and title to someone that was not your legitimate heir. So once again, preserving money and power were the only goals.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="color: #cccccc; font-size: large;"><b>X</b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">My goal in explaining all this is to educate people before they decide to participate in the institution of marriage. It is not necessary to marry because it does not ensure happiness or stability. <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Some people think this is hypocritical on my part because I am married. And I then explain that in this day and age, there are legal and financial advantages to being married. But in this case, I am the one benefitting from those advantages. It’s not my father, my husband, or my country that are reaping the benefits, and I am the one freely choosing it.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="color: #cccccc; font-size: 18pt;">X</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">If you are marrying for the financial advantages, then great. But do not make the mistake of thinking that marriage is necessary or even desirable for other reasons. Marriage confers a lot of unfortunate, unnecessary baggage. <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Truths about marriage:<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> You do not need to marry to commit your life to someone.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">You do not need to marry to have sex.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">You do not need to marry to live with someone.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">4.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">You do not need to marry to have a nesting partner<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">5.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">You do not need to accept monogamy as the only relationship structure.</span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> <span style="color: #cccccc;">X</span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">6.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">You do not need to marry for your child to bear your partner’s name.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">7.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">You do not need to marry to insure stability in your relationship.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> <span style="color: #cccccc;">X</span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Therefore, the only legitimate reason to marry is for the legal and financial advantages.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="color: #cccccc; font-size: 18pt;">X</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">If you’re already married, there’s no reason to seek a divorce, unless there are complicating legal factors. As polyamorous folks, our marital status is irrelevant. If you’re not married, there is no reason to engage in marriage unless you are desperate for legal and financial advantages.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Some people might object at this point, saying, “Just because marriage used to be an undesirable state, doesn’t mean it is now. Now people get married because they love each other.” Let me ask you this. Would your spouse love you any less if you weren’t married? How does signing a piece of paper make your spouse love you more?<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> <span style="color: #cccccc;">X</span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">We need to address the widespread problems with marriage that contribute to the 50% divorce rate. According to Wilkinson & Finkbeiner, Family Law Attorneys, lack of commitment is responsible for 73% of all divorces (2). So, our perception that marriage makes a relationship more stable is a false one. <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Below are the ten most common reasons for divorce:<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Lack of commitment<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Personal differences or growing apart<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Excessive arguing<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">4.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Abuse and domestic violence<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">5.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Getting married too young<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">6.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Substance abuse<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">7.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Financial issues<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">8.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Having unrealistic expectations<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">9.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Impotence and infertility </span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">I 10. Infidelity</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Even though “having unrealistic expectations” is it’s own category, the argument can be made that unrealistic expectations contribute to, or are the root cause of, every other category. We are programmed from our youth, through movies, music, commercials, religious training, etc., to expect monogamy, lifelong commitment, and wedded bliss.it simply does not happen. Even those couples who stay married admit that their marriages are not always happy, but they stuck it out anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Why do we believe that sticking it out for years while remaining unhappy is more desirable than seeking happiness? 2<sup>nd</sup> and 3<sup>rd</sup>marriages have even higher rates of divorce, indicating that people are dragging their unrealistic expectations into subsequent relationships. Nothing ever gets fixed.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="color: #cccccc; font-size: 18pt;">X</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">I would submit that there is something inherently wrong with marriage, and that divorce will not lessen or subside while this relationship structure continues to try to adhere to blatantly unhealthy and unreasonable norms.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">How do you solve the “lack of commitment” problem? Perhaps by realizing that we are asking too much of people. 30, 40, or 50 years is a long time, and over the course of those years, people do grow and change. Rarely do two people change at the same rate or in the same direction. If I have changed but my partner hasn’t should I expect to somehow bring them along? You cannot control another person, nor should you try. You must simply let them be who they are, and go on with your life.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="color: #cccccc; font-size: 18pt;">X</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">This idea of marriage for life is a romantic notion, probably fed by our hormones, but it is neither practical nor necessary. if you can pull it off, great. But don’t beat yourself up if you can’t. In any other endeavor in life, you would change to fit the circumstances. If you chose a career, started working in your chosen field, and found out you hated it, should you continue in a job you hate for 20, 30, 40 years or more? No, you’d change careers. If you bought a car, drove it for 20 years, and then noticed it was falling apart, would you continue to drive it and refuse to get another one? Of course not. Then why do we cling to the idea of lifelong monogamy? <o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">You can either chuck the whole thing and get a new one, or you can embrace the idea of ethical non-monogamy. An idea whose time has come.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Listen to our Podcast, <a href="https://pspolyamory.podbean.com/">Plus Size Polyamory</a></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Join our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Unhinderedliving">Facebook page</a></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><b>Subscribe to our <a href="https://youtube.com/user/unhinderedliving">YouTube Channel</a>. </b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Have something to say about this? Leave a comment. Join the Discussion.</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">Send us email at: unhinderedliving@gmail.com</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">References:<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-left: 0.25in;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b><a href="https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce-child-custody"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce-child-custody</span></b></a><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/</span></b></a><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4012696/"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4012696/</span></b></a><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">4.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4002864/"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4002864/</span></b></a><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">5.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2972416/pdf/IJPsy-38-109.pdf"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;">https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2972416/pdf/IJPsy-38-109.pdf</span></b></a><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt;"> </span></b></p>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-88917743032119009602021-11-04T18:39:00.005-06:002021-11-04T18:51:04.886-06:00Labs Update - Diabetes, Chronic Kidney Disease, Triglycerides, Vitamin D<p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b> I had promised to post my latest labs. Here they are. A1c is 6.7, a huge improvement. Triglycerides normal, cholesterol lowest it’s ever been, despite being on keto and eating cholesterol all day long. Itamin D 46, a huge improvement from where I started at 19. Hemoglobin 14.2, which means I am no longer anemic. Yay!</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Drf9kYZAoCAUyVZilonYMft35N8MEU-Ht7bKK9sB6eNWrvZhAAGWE26Jjtz-ZGjVRgxHjY8Ic5fhgQ_UUQYrBUYJ7uH1oy0PanR3tVxwh234NtWrDhYlapGrFQhGTBZ9_3q7FA/s2048/0647E888-8C50-4A61-9DC0-10901971BA44.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1606" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Drf9kYZAoCAUyVZilonYMft35N8MEU-Ht7bKK9sB6eNWrvZhAAGWE26Jjtz-ZGjVRgxHjY8Ic5fhgQ_UUQYrBUYJ7uH1oy0PanR3tVxwh234NtWrDhYlapGrFQhGTBZ9_3q7FA/s320/0647E888-8C50-4A61-9DC0-10901971BA44.jpeg" width="251" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOZxc1WJJaP0eN6HNdfZnb77T3Nj0G3aTdP0Ir0xoxLtOcbnh2Kgh-HQ5qdLCMa3iew_kFN-8btCnG3UxfJMbO7CmEVhJAsTwS4wGKJvYOdxrQnbqqTyGM3Zfg87oqKyDbBOHKjg/s2048/952075CF-FB27-4884-A731-7EDC1D04588D.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1620" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOZxc1WJJaP0eN6HNdfZnb77T3Nj0G3aTdP0Ir0xoxLtOcbnh2Kgh-HQ5qdLCMa3iew_kFN-8btCnG3UxfJMbO7CmEVhJAsTwS4wGKJvYOdxrQnbqqTyGM3Zfg87oqKyDbBOHKjg/s320/952075CF-FB27-4884-A731-7EDC1D04588D.jpeg" width="253" /></a></div><br /><b><br /></b></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b>Subscribe to our <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyGK04jU-vQs6qpGsJBx-1g">YouTube Channel</a></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Follow our <a href="http://PSpolyamory.podbean.com">Podcast</a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div><br /></div>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-21860535649740050972021-10-30T15:12:00.003-06:002022-05-15T11:35:24.186-06:00Accu-Balancing Technique Resources<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Qf4sWc38gWQ" width="320" youtube-src-id="Qf4sWc38gWQ"></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>If you want to print out each of the pictures below on a separate page, click on the picture. The red dots are the tapping points.</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Top of head</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Eyebrow</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Corner of eye</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Under eye</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Under nose</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>On chin</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>On the “sore spot.”</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Under arm</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>On wrists</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Back to top of head.</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>See video for further details.</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>These pictures are copyrighted to me, but you may print out one copy for your own use. Please don’t distribute.</b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7iGUxp4RxgEvmGp_eAia_Aykw2kJCBKokZZIxNK4QZoy_pFAYfDRya6w2ATQe-KgAxqW2Q3D_3HORDt4S3uH5dqOwGL2MvViLcuye0vcincHMwohVCQTxELy88RY7TM5AM2cDrQ/s719/D555310F-60D4-45CD-9D5D-028CC6171302.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="396" data-original-width="719" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7iGUxp4RxgEvmGp_eAia_Aykw2kJCBKokZZIxNK4QZoy_pFAYfDRya6w2ATQe-KgAxqW2Q3D_3HORDt4S3uH5dqOwGL2MvViLcuye0vcincHMwohVCQTxELy88RY7TM5AM2cDrQ/s320/D555310F-60D4-45CD-9D5D-028CC6171302.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoN30A4Ktw1BsrfLfcDImhxlxmmWFliJ5Yw8re34KkOnxPiirVfCr5KYH6X-w4I-XLDX7JcgePZgiybh73Hat4PtFj48fgEP1EJ8thvCaRAZtfyEjMMEDHy2S8rWm1VnQ2IriZfQ/s340/963330DC-D763-4847-83E6-E3DCFF2A918F.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="340" data-original-width="336" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoN30A4Ktw1BsrfLfcDImhxlxmmWFliJ5Yw8re34KkOnxPiirVfCr5KYH6X-w4I-XLDX7JcgePZgiybh73Hat4PtFj48fgEP1EJ8thvCaRAZtfyEjMMEDHy2S8rWm1VnQ2IriZfQ/s320/963330DC-D763-4847-83E6-E3DCFF2A918F.jpeg" width="316" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Subscribe to our <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyGK04jU-vQs6qpGsJBx-1g">YouTube channel</a><div><br /></div><div>Listen to <a href="http://PSpolyamory.podbean.com">Our Podcast</a><br /><p></p><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-65730719469878691972021-10-13T19:17:00.010-06:002021-10-14T12:43:01.246-06:00Keto Cheesy Bacon Chicken Salad - Quick Meal!<p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b> Many of you complain about not having any quick keto meal ideas. So here’s one of my all time favorites.</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dzvP3_Ki6PSH8xKZB1nYMljzVZUvSmHd5c2JIIwPLtJ9h9CZP_gTnY8Tu6V9YZ0f3y-LmN1J2rsl2o' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></b></span></div></blockquote><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Visit our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/unhinderedliving ">Facebook</a> page</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBmHMvzYPhN4t-f2ykUFp_sSDrz5o9UtqS_uMofdFfnwAIITAk7imXccGiy9NmgdaUlKpLM3jaOHt0Lc-wqqNOPbwa15KysPtzUTuf4XAHg7PrxEyDcrDkM_j81Tv4rX6tqV9HNw/s2048/FA9291BF-7EC1-44F9-A617-2487887D0303.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBmHMvzYPhN4t-f2ykUFp_sSDrz5o9UtqS_uMofdFfnwAIITAk7imXccGiy9NmgdaUlKpLM3jaOHt0Lc-wqqNOPbwa15KysPtzUTuf4XAHg7PrxEyDcrDkM_j81Tv4rX6tqV9HNw/s320/FA9291BF-7EC1-44F9-A617-2487887D0303.jpeg" width="320" /></a></b></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><br /><br /></b></span><p></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Listen to our <a href="http://PSpolyamory.podbean.com">Podcast</a></b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Click Subscribe down below at the bottom of the page to be notified when we put out new content.</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Have something to say about this? Leave a comment. </b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Join the Discussion. </b></span></p>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-71374946097585428132021-10-11T13:58:00.005-06:002021-10-11T14:16:01.413-06:00Amazon Keto Products Box<p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>These are keto product I use all the time.</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>I hope my review of the products is helpful to you.</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dz1dZEiSYrwbFsVTqE4DH1MbGIWHOCvSZi5j6Ju797SfnMsdClR-wl0mcTFzc2AKxj_ivpgrysKkeU' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div><br /></div><br /><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Visit our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/unhinderedliving ">Facebook</a> Page</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Listen to our <a href="http://PSpolyamory.podbean.com">Podcast</a></b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Please click Subscribe at the bottom of the page to be notified when we publish new content.</b></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-75526964699711192162021-10-10T22:04:00.008-06:002021-10-10T23:19:42.735-06:00Making Keto Waffles - Come Cook with Me!<p> <b><span style="font-family: verdana;">The thought that we should be able to eat anything we want with no consequences is a thought we should question. Sugars, grains and seed oils inflame the body, causing a progression of degenerative disease. But is it really possible to live a life without consuming them? Absolutely yes, it is. </span></b></p><p><b><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span style="font-family: verdana;">Here’s a delicious waffle recipe that uses no sugar, starch, or seed oils. Give it a try.</span></b></p><p><b><br /></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxA_E5f_p-1AHEqN0AeBgpcpYOGVEqncyJO_zthIsrj4Jg_eXQOmpktiF8K7V0xiCn6an7ZQXHoWOQ' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><a href="http://PSpolyamory.podbean.com">Listen to our Podcast</a><br /></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><br /></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b><a href="http://www.Facebook.com/unhinderedliving">Visit Our Facebook Page</a></b></span><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Have something to say about this? Leave a comment. Join the discussion.</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-13144803438862423492021-10-06T13:23:00.003-06:002021-10-06T22:02:46.631-06:00Results of Body Hair Attitudes Survey<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZoZ1IUBJx-mfXQ-LUt5cpob6LLhJSd5lyL5WZMPmU4MmCc_-tYtvcTrRGn2p4LWY6ieWap6TX6yfOMhlA1LJbyPUs-hqGM4eSHZKE33O2zj0ig1wepGQcRFThPfZUP3EivytIZw/s750/C1B9D459-9A22-4D72-A8F8-12D9DD7630E8.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="500" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZoZ1IUBJx-mfXQ-LUt5cpob6LLhJSd5lyL5WZMPmU4MmCc_-tYtvcTrRGn2p4LWY6ieWap6TX6yfOMhlA1LJbyPUs-hqGM4eSHZKE33O2zj0ig1wepGQcRFThPfZUP3EivytIZw/s320/C1B9D459-9A22-4D72-A8F8-12D9DD7630E8.jpeg" width="213" /></a></div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">This survey was conducted online for a period of a week. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p>70% of the respondents to the survey identified as women, 25% identified as men, and 5% identified as other.</span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">The survey consisted of five questions. A summary of the responses is recorded below. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">1. Do you remove hair from any body parts other than your face?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Yes, usually - 70%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Not unless my partner requests it - 5%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Only before a first date - 5%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> I used to but don’t anymore - 15%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Never - 5%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">2. Do you remove your pubic hair?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Yes, usually - 70%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Only before a first date - 5%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Only if my partner requests it - 10%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> I used to, but don’t anymore - 10%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Never - 5%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">3. If your partner has visible body hair someplace other than their face, does that affect your decision to date them?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Yes - 20%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> No - 80%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">4. If your partner has visible body hair someplace other than their face, does that affect your decision to have sex with them?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Yes - 20%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> No - 80%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">5. What is your gender? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Male - 25%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Female - 70%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> Other - 5%</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">The first interesting thing to me is that 70% of people are removing their pubic hair, even though only 20% of people say it matters to them if their partner has it. I wondered if that 70% reflected only females, since 70% of respondents were female, but of those who answered “Yes, usually” to the question of do you remove your pubic hair, 29% were male, 7% were other, and 64% were female. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">The only truly disturbing thing for me was that 20% of people allow visible body hair to be a deciding factor in whether they date someone. We really are a vain bunch. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Have something to say about this? We welcome your comments. Join the discussion. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Visit our <a href="http://Facebook.com/unhinderedliving">Facebook</a> page</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Listen to our <a href="http://PSpolyamory.podbean.com">Podcast</a></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><a href="http://patron.podbean.com/pspolyamory">Become a patron</a> for as little as $1 per month and receive an invite to Join our private MeWe discussion group. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-91701890504121847732021-09-28T23:31:00.003-06:002021-09-28T23:37:16.372-06:00Sexual Intimacy and Chronic Pain<p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkX4h-WZj0JcN2FXKPAAGy99XQbHR-oyxTyVdAkHqpM2YZWFepWIuIM1KQMOtUugc1aggmhOjQYEdaHuxFFMUUb7gjR1DC3g8Mjkm5wf3YauB76qQ4kx4iohMNyVHSZcbr1j0RUg/s400/646C2CBF-94DD-40A8-A5D5-AABF489E2E27.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="400" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkX4h-WZj0JcN2FXKPAAGy99XQbHR-oyxTyVdAkHqpM2YZWFepWIuIM1KQMOtUugc1aggmhOjQYEdaHuxFFMUUb7gjR1DC3g8Mjkm5wf3YauB76qQ4kx4iohMNyVHSZcbr1j0RUg/s320/646C2CBF-94DD-40A8-A5D5-AABF489E2E27.jpeg" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">I have Degenerative Disc Disease with Sciatica. This causes daily pain in my lower back, legs and hips. It also affects my neck and shoulders. This condition makes it difficult to pick up anything heavy, twist at the waist without causing muscle spasms, sit cross legged, sit on hard surfaces, go from a supine position to a sitting position without assistance, and much more. It also makes sleeping comfortably in bed for the whole night next to impossible. </span><div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">And yet, I’ve learned to make accommodations in my daily life so that I can continue in a somewhat normal manner. Instead of carrying in groceries, I put them in a little cart and push them in. Instead of standing in front of the sink and leaning over to wash dishes, I have a stool I sit on. I have also learned to make accommodations so that I can have a satisfying sex life.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">One day my back was acting up, and my partner wanted to have sex. It had been acting up for several days, but I just didn’t want to put off having sex any longer, so we went ahead, with a few modifications. Lying on my side put less pressure on my back, so we opted for that. The rhythmic pelvic motions seemed to gently massage my lower back. As my partner caressed my skin, my pain seemed to recede into the background. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">After a few days of this, my back didn’t seem to hurt as much, and seemed stronger. Could it be that sex is a good way to manage chronic pain?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">I went looking for support for this idea. It turns out, there is some. According to Psychology Today,</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><span face=""Proxima Nova Regular", Arial, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; caret-color: rgb(44, 45, 48); color: #2c2d30;">“…research consistently shows that oxytocin not only increases emotional connection, it also promotes a sense of calm and well-being, and reduces the effects of </span><a class="basics-link" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/stress" hreflang="en" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-hyphens: auto; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; border-bottom-color: rgb(153, 153, 153); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(44, 45, 48); color: #2c2d30; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-decoration: none; word-break: break-word; word-wrap: break-word;" title="Psychology Today looks at stress">stress</a><span face=""Proxima Nova Regular", Arial, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; caret-color: rgb(44, 45, 48); color: #2c2d30;"> (as measured by blood pressure and cortisol), all of which are relevant in reducing perceptions of pain. In fact, oxytocin is currently being tested as an avenue of treatment for neuropathic and inflammatory pain.” (1)</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""Proxima Nova Regular", Arial, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; caret-color: rgb(44, 45, 48); color: #2c2d30; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""Proxima Nova Regular", Arial, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; caret-color: rgb(44, 45, 48); color: #2c2d30; font-size: medium;">Oxytocin is released when the skin is caressed or massaged, and during orgasm. Also released are serotonin, phenylalanine, and natural endorphins, all of which increase feelings of satisfaction. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""Proxima Nova Regular", Arial, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; caret-color: rgb(44, 45, 48); color: #2c2d30; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""Proxima Nova Regular", Arial, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; caret-color: rgb(44, 45, 48); color: #2c2d30; font-size: medium;">Even if we just lay in bed, hold each other and caress each others’ skin, this produces a powerful sense of well-being. And for the 30 seconds or so that it takes to have an orgasm, your pain will be totally forgotten. In the minute or two following orgasm, there will still be decreased levels of pain. At least, that’s been my experience. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""Proxima Nova Regular", Arial, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; caret-color: rgb(44, 45, 48); color: #2c2d30; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2c2d30; font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(44, 45, 48);">And if you are alone, without a partner, well, orgasm is still possible. Invest in some “toys” and have a go at it. I have found orgasm followed by meditation helps prolong my feelings of physical well-being.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span face=""Proxima Nova Regular", Arial, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; caret-color: rgb(44, 45, 48); color: #2c2d30; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">1. <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/paintracking/201111/the-healing-powers-sex">https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/paintracking/201111/the-healing-powers-sex</a></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Visit our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/unhinderedliving ">Facebook</a> page.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Listen to our <a href="https://PSpolyamory.podbean.com">Podcast</a>.</span></p></div>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-42095778447280334452021-09-26T15:15:00.009-06:002021-09-26T15:55:24.022-06:00Natural Treatment for Diabetic Retinopathy<p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaFuqNcM9Kb31YHprqgBcoiFYvPoCUcevxgwmaRr8tPMueJpIQx0R4EVevYLd8LcxisZqduYxI-cthHzqcoP4vjasOBzqZNDyibQ3CYoAesNRpuPLmHZEbQsstzb4M8XCDTdEXYw/s300/B3B32DDC-F826-41B5-B459-2AB8204AE5D1.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="300" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaFuqNcM9Kb31YHprqgBcoiFYvPoCUcevxgwmaRr8tPMueJpIQx0R4EVevYLd8LcxisZqduYxI-cthHzqcoP4vjasOBzqZNDyibQ3CYoAesNRpuPLmHZEbQsstzb4M8XCDTdEXYw/w200-h200/B3B32DDC-F826-41B5-B459-2AB8204AE5D1.png" width="200" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br />Diabetic Retinopathy, a condition in which tiny blood vessels of the retinas leak, is one of the major causes of blindness in the U.S. It can be avoided by carefully controlling blood sugar. In my case, since I was an undiagnosed diabetic for many years, high blood sugars have caused me to contract this condition.</span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">I am now carefully controlling my blood sugars, but the damage is done. Normal medical therapy for this condition is laser treatments to seal up the bleeding blood vessels. I had this treatment in 2010. I can’t say I was all that pleased with the results. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">I went to a retinal specialist and he said “Now we are going to give you one treatment on your left eye this week, then next week one on the right eye, then the next week, another treatment on the left and then another treatment on the right.” And I said “No.”</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">“Doctor, I can’t let you work on both eyes at once because if something goes wrong, I have to drive for my job, and I won’t be able to work, and then I will have no insurance and no money to pay you for these treatments.” </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">He looked at me with this stone cold look on his face and said, “Well, you could always go on disability. “ </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">I said to myself, this guy knows nothing about what it’s like to live on disability. First of all, getting approved is difficult. You can’t get approved if you are still working, so I’d have to quit. Then after you get approved, you aren’t eligible for Medicare for two years. So he wants me to take a 3/4 pay cut and get no medical treatment for two years so I can take his treatments.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">“What are the possible side effects from this procedure?”</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">“None,” he says. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">“Doctor, there is no such thing as a medical procedure without possible side effects.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">”He says, “If your vision worsens, it will be because of the progression of your disease, and not because of anything I might do.”</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">“I am not saying you would do anything wrong. But even if everything goes right, there could still be side effects. Pain, redness blurred vision, anything like that?”</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">“No.”</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">I didn’t believe him. “Well, this is my offer. You can work on the left eye, and if that goes all right, then you can work on the right one.”</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">He says, “I think that is an extraordinarily foolish decision. If you don’t take these treatments, in a year you’ll be blind.”</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">It has been 11 years, and I am not blind. Is my vision perfect? No, but I’m not blind.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">He finally agreed to work on one eye. After the first treatment, the whole top half of my field of vision clouded up. After the second treatment, the bottom half clouded up, and I had no usable vision in that eye for six months. I had been right. There was pain, swelling, and blurred vision, just the side effects I had been afraid of. I didn’t go back to have the other eye done.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">The eye he worked on had no better vision than the other one. Then they wanted to do a vitrectomy, a procedure that terrifies me. No, not for me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">So I have started to look for alternative treatments. One of the functions of Vitamin C in the body is to strengthen the walls of veins and capillaries. So I am assuming I need more Vitamin C if my tiny blood vessels are leaking. In any other part of the body, leaking blood vessels would be called a bruise. What can you do to heal bruises naturally?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">According to Fergon.com, “<span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 27, 19); color: #191b13; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.04) 1px 1px 1px;"> Individuals who have low iron levels are more susceptible to bruising and experiencing bruises that last a long time. Therefore, it may be beneficial to take iron supplements…Other recommendations include…</span><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 27, 19); color: #191b13; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.04) 1px 1px 1px;"> Eating a healthy diet with iron-rich foods, as well as foods with</span><a class="text-link" href="https://www.fergon.com/the-relationship-between-iron-and-vitamin-c/" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-position: 0px 0px; border-bottom-color: rgb(165, 102, 0); border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 1px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #a56600; display: inline; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-skip: objects; text-decoration: none; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.04) 1px 1px 1px;"> <span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.04) 1px 1px 1px;">vitamin C</span></a><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 27, 19); color: #191b13; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.04) 1px 1px 1px;"> and vitamin K, aid the reabsorption of blood and the healing of bruises as well.”</span></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 27, 19); color: #191b13; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.04) 1px 1px 1px;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">According to an article in BioMed Central’s Journal, Eye and Vision, </span></span></p><h1 class="c-article-title" data-article-title="" data-test="article-title" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; box-sizing: inherit; color: #1b3051; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 16px;"><a href="https://eandv.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40662-020-00199-y#citeas"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Nutritional and medical food therapies for diabetic retinopathy,</span></a></h1><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">“We have reviewed the literature for nutritional interventions that support conventional therapies to reduce disease risk and severity. Optimal combinations of vitamins B1, B2, B6, L-methylfolate, methylcobalamin (B12), C, D, natural vitamin E complex, lutein, zeaxanthin, alpha-lipoic acid, and n-acetylcysteine are identified for protecting the retina and choroid.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Large doses of B6, B12, and Folic Acid have also shown to lower homocysteine levels, thereby limiting damage to blood vessels by homocysteine. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">So I am starting a regimen of the above vitamins, minerals and antioxidants.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://amzn.to/3ufYyNN">Webber Naturals Supervision 50 Plus</a></span></p><p><a href="https://amzn.to/3kFRRRQ"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Kai Nutritional Yeast Tablets</span></a></p><p><a href="https://amzn.to/3zEvIYl"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Ancestral Supplements Beef Liver for Iron</span></a></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://amzn.to/3i9rpOY">Vitamin D with K2</a></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">I have also been doing the Keto Diet and have lowered my A1c from 7,9 to 6.7 without medication.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">I will let you know how it goes. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Have something to say about this? Leave a comment, join the discussion.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Visit our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/unhinderedliving">Facebook page</a></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Listen to our <a href="https://pspolyamory.podbean.com">Podcast</a></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-85867620852765369492021-08-05T14:00:00.004-06:002021-08-05T14:01:45.465-06:00Offering Piano Lessons One Again<p> <span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;">We are finally able to make piano lessons available to our clients once again. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmCbVgsDynwcsgt78jEXBcDJrTT2CLVJLKmU2je-BoiYWcFGgjBjYXVznff8GxWiakfGk0G0MhH3OkrZRgAxD5diiVYcgw_9ZBxdWLa5Gke7hBxL_8hgzoPGwCFYIrVpfP-jO-Bw/s651/DCAE876E-DE51-488C-AD55-790C3ADCDDB2.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="651" data-original-width="651" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmCbVgsDynwcsgt78jEXBcDJrTT2CLVJLKmU2je-BoiYWcFGgjBjYXVznff8GxWiakfGk0G0MhH3OkrZRgAxD5diiVYcgw_9ZBxdWLa5Gke7hBxL_8hgzoPGwCFYIrVpfP-jO-Bw/s320/DCAE876E-DE51-488C-AD55-790C3ADCDDB2.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"> $10 per lesson, beginning and intermediate students, adult or child. Lesson fees can be paid in cash or by PayPal - no checks.One months worth of lessons paid in advance.</span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;">Lessons are given at All Souls Unitarian Universalist Church, 720 N. Tejon, in downtown Colorado Springs. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;">Students must remain masked if unvaccinated. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;">For more info or to sign up, 719-640-0857 or email at unhinderedliving@gmail.com</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;">PayPal payments can be sent to unhinderedliving@gmail.com</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-24321780291980786962021-07-19T11:16:00.005-06:002021-09-16T23:31:12.360-06:00The Value of a Plus-Size Woman<p><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQzGMIhnFC6BNzfotf_rPpABVfLGozKcdNmytgeUmRYhMd4JWjj-Wr7lZ1jM8AJdTYQ-2ifG4q1-KF7ineD7cKqDXzAjyNZpOGYGZsxx3qy6PVgCvivI_Ezqu4a45xoUGQsZcXVQ/s1024/32E22AE5-CA4F-4D92-BE2A-4698F09AE800.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="683" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQzGMIhnFC6BNzfotf_rPpABVfLGozKcdNmytgeUmRYhMd4JWjj-Wr7lZ1jM8AJdTYQ-2ifG4q1-KF7ineD7cKqDXzAjyNZpOGYGZsxx3qy6PVgCvivI_Ezqu4a45xoUGQsZcXVQ/s320/32E22AE5-CA4F-4D92-BE2A-4698F09AE800.jpeg" width="213" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"><br />I’m getting ready for a date. I have carefully chosen the most flattering clothing, as all women do. I have carefully applied makeup, arranged my hair, and step back to look in the mirror. Just by virtue of the fact that I am a woman, there is a good chance I will not like what I see. Because no matter who you are, our culture makes you insecure about what you see. And if you are a plus-size woman, you receive even more negative messages than the average woman. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">I use the word “average” but, in fact, plus-size women ARE the average now. Society is only now starting to give us some much needed validation. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">I love Sarah Millican. She’s my favorite comedian. Not only is she hilariously funny, but in a recent show she told the audience, “I’m fatter than I’ve ever been, and I couldn’t give less of a shit.” I love you Sarah, you’re my hero. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">If you are considering asking a plus-size woman out on a date, well, why would you want to when there are so many “normal” women available? A plus-size woman, by virtue of her situation, is an incredibly confident woman. And isn’t confidence attractive? She has to be confident. No one else is validating her, so she has to do it herself. She knows her worth, and she doesn’t need you. So the fact that she WANTS you is a compliment to you. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">She is probably an extremely intelligent person. She’s developed her mind because all her life she’s been told, “you don’t have much of a body, so you better develop your brain.” And she has, not to prove anything to you, but because she was smart to begin with, and she knows it.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">She is more than likely an extremely empathetic person, due mostly to the indignities she’s had to endure. She knows what it’s like to be disregarded, overlooked, and ignored. She knows what it’s like to be thought of as less than human, and she doesn’t want you to ever have to feel that way.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Yet no one ever recognizes her BEAUTY. Yes, the round fullness of her voluptuous curves is beautiful. The softness of her huggable body is a joy. The depth of her emotion is unfathomable. She quivers with delight as you touch her, as you make clear to her that you love to touch her.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Yes, we are confident, intelligent, and empathetic. But we have a beauty all our own, if you take the time to experience it. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">If not, well, frankly, we won’t give you a second thought. Believe it or not, for every one of you who disregards us, there are three who will not. Yes ladies, your confidence and exuberance for life are like a magnet. And the potential partners of truly superior quality will be drawn to you. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">So if you are one of those who says “No thank you,” you’ve proved my point. By choosing to pass up a truly incredible woman, you have showed your unworthiness, and made plain your lack of superior quality. We’re not crying over you. We feel sorry for you, but we’re not losing any sleep over you. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Like us on <a href="https://www.Facebook.com/Unhinderedliving">Facebook</a></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Listen to our <a href="https://pspolyamory.podbean.com">Podcasts</a></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-29651174850291690582021-06-26T05:45:00.008-06:002021-09-25T07:38:43.598-06:00Ethical Non-Monogamy: Is It For You?<p><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnLqiLIZwdIg-a9cHrtzm2aFJhP41cacVCAgRmidJdZACt5XuNm5gDxfVtadSPmVLXEvceuW3EuiB5PM1w0KkOeYuXCKxk_md2VqohodJcWMTsINwP9GKJnwWEaB8WfS4Ys5f9GQ/s1024/4D7AAD53-6963-4D91-B643-E2A2A0BDF09C.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnLqiLIZwdIg-a9cHrtzm2aFJhP41cacVCAgRmidJdZACt5XuNm5gDxfVtadSPmVLXEvceuW3EuiB5PM1w0KkOeYuXCKxk_md2VqohodJcWMTsINwP9GKJnwWEaB8WfS4Ys5f9GQ/s320/4D7AAD53-6963-4D91-B643-E2A2A0BDF09C.jpeg" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">Have you ever wondered why 50% of marriages end in divorce? And why half of those who do stay married report being unhappy in their relationships? Only one in four marriages can be considered a success, and yet this is the relationship style that our society touts as the gold standard. Relationship partners who don’t stay married are often blamed for their lack of commitment, and yet our society remains committed to a relationship style that doesn’t work. I would submit to you that it is our relationship model that is flawed, not the humans trying to desperately cling to it.</span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">But marriage and monogamy are not the only viable relationship models. According to the latest research, as much as 6% of the American population is engaged in consensual non-monogamous relationships. That translates into millions of people who have escaped the straightjacket of forced monogamy. No, this is not the same as infidelity. When a partner has been unfaithful, there has been a breaking of trust. Partners who have pledged monogamy and then find themselves straying and using lies and deceit to hide it from their partner is breaking trust with their partner. But when relationship partners design their relationships from the start to include the possibility of other partners, and open, honest communication about such partners is engaged in with the consent of all, there is no breaking of trust. This is ethical and productive.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Consensual non-monogamous relationships can take the form of sex for fun, or “swingers” as they have been called. Or the relationships can be more serious, permanent, and intimate. Polyamory, or “many loves” as the term is defined, usually takes the form of more permanent relationships. There are many forms: one man with two women; one woman with two men, both called “throuples”; two couples of opposite or same genders, and the list can go on and on. The configuration is limited only by the members’ ability to love. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Why would anyone in a traditional relationship style want to open up their relationship to other partners? For my husband of ten years and myself, the idea began after a long discussion about evolutionary biology. For most of the millions of years that humans have existed on this planet, they have been polyamorous. Monogamy was only popularized by the Romans 2,000 to 3,000 years ago. Polyamory gave humans an evolutionary advantage, hence the reason it has survived to this day in spite of society’s concerted attempt to stamp it out. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Our discussion then turned to more practical matters. We agreed that we saw no reason why a relationship in which one of the partners had been “unfaithful” needed to be dissolved, at least, not if the partners understood the causes of such wandering and were willing to be open and honest about them. My husband had always assured me of his love in the strongest terms, and I am secure in that love. In terms of evolutionary biology, however, the need for variety is hardwired into our DNA. It is not a character flaw, it is genetic. His appreciation of a beautiful woman as we walk down the street has nothing to do with inadequacy on my part, and I do not feel threatened by it. I can even share in his appreciation. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Then my husband asked the million dollar question. If I had sex with someone else, would you be offended? He was very brave to ask, and I appreciated his openness. I gave this a long bit of consideration, but I could find no reason to object. I had no fear he was going to leave me. He has spent the last ten years assuring me daily that I am a cut above any woman he has been with, even though I am obviously not as physically attractive as the average woman. He had convinced me of how incredibly happy he was with me. So I had no fear of rejection. None whatsoever.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">The obvious question that I get asked is, if he is so happy, why is he straying? Well, I object to that terminology. He isn’t straying, he is fulfilling unmet needs. Let me answer it this way. What is your favorite food? If you say “cheesecake” then why don’t you eat it every day, for every meal? Because obviously, you might occasionally want something else. Just because I choose steak once in a while doesn’t mean I don’t love cheesecake anymore. I just like a little variety. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXMbLhCTZc_7im_qRU9w5VQhrK2ByfZ6ljD6f-XhVrHVBGqGpHdDWLA-j1Oj5sMCwvV_Lxwj3HBi0fJ7sC-QkweNOnLaX0Boe05BlstfWQAM1jzN-_3AVPOADnrM3pe7rO3uay4g/s600/76F44A18-6A83-4134-93CE-1D7F40FE718A.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXMbLhCTZc_7im_qRU9w5VQhrK2ByfZ6ljD6f-XhVrHVBGqGpHdDWLA-j1Oj5sMCwvV_Lxwj3HBi0fJ7sC-QkweNOnLaX0Boe05BlstfWQAM1jzN-_3AVPOADnrM3pe7rO3uay4g/s320/76F44A18-6A83-4134-93CE-1D7F40FE718A.jpeg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />Needing variety isn’t a character flaw. Diversity is actually the key to a healthy species, which is why families that interbreed eventually produce offspring with genetic errors and disease. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">So I told my husband no, I wouldn’t be offended, as long as we discussed each encounter and we were both aware of everything that was going on. Perhaps if the person was someone I liked, we could even make them a permanent part of our relationship. And that’s how we started. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">I have to say that being totally open and honest about all our thoughts and feelings has only served to deepen our relationship. I haven’t regretted it yet.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Visit our <a href="https://www.Facebook.com/Unhinderedliving">Facebook</a> page.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Listen to our <a href="https://pspolyamory.podbean.com">Podcast</a></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-61279291906301353342020-06-28T11:50:00.009-06:002021-09-16T23:36:25.911-06:00The Danger of Compulsory SchoolingFor the majority of people, life is a struggle which consists of doing what everyone else wants them to do while suppressing or ignoring what they really want to do with their lives. This starts in infancy, when babies and young children, eager to please parents and other caregivers, willingly comply with most requests. But later, as they begin to see that what other people want is not what they want, they begin to step into their individuality, and begin to refuse to be controlled, and we punish them for developing this amazing personal autonomy. We send them to formalized schooling, which are bastions of social indoctrination and control, and where we expect them to learn to fall in line and do things the way everyone else does them. This is soul-crushing and cruel.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEgffTvs5A7GSuyxbegzvMmdpd_MwgDpMHyGLbqv1QNjTFeLyZdJld6GVqE8E0Tz_yT6MA9_s_PCVv55FKZHFxnCq9owZmaNCYWpEFOY8lH_YXVSDYhEZhzr07496mhSX7aMmBUQ/s1600/j0438678.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1050" data-original-width="1051" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEgffTvs5A7GSuyxbegzvMmdpd_MwgDpMHyGLbqv1QNjTFeLyZdJld6GVqE8E0Tz_yT6MA9_s_PCVv55FKZHFxnCq9owZmaNCYWpEFOY8lH_YXVSDYhEZhzr07496mhSX7aMmBUQ/s320/j0438678.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
So schooling does not equal education. Many of the worlds greatest thinkers eschewed most early formal schooling. People like Farragut, Edison, Carnegie, Rockefeller, Washington, Melville, Twain, and one of my personal favorites, Margaret Mead.<br />
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Margaret Mead grew up in a freethinking, intellectual home. Her father was a professor at the Wharton School of Finance, her mother was a sociologist. and her grandmother was a child psychologist. Her early formal schooling consisted of one year and half days in the fourth grade. Later she did attend high school, but spent six years in various schools. She then completed several advanced degrees and became a field researcher in anthropology.<br />
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Now you might say, her parents were intellectuals with advanced degrees, how could the average person do this with their kids? Parents in this country and around the world are doing it every day. You as the parent just provide support and help when asked. You don’t have to stand over them making sure they do lessons. They are naturally curious and given the chance, they will find something they are interested in.<br />
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If you are a person who values your own autonomy, you will not take away your children’s autonomy. H.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14.666666984558105px;">. L. Mencken wrote in </span><i style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14.666666984558105px;">The American Mercury</i><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 14.666666984558105px;"> for April 1924 that the aim of public educa</span><blockquote style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666984558105px;">
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">to fill the young of the species with knowledge and awaken their intelligence. . . . Nothing could be further from the truth. The aim.. . is simply to reduce as many individuals as possible to the same safe level, to breed and train a standardized citizenry, to put down dissent and originality. That is its aim in the United States . . . and that is its aim everywhere else. </span></div>
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Public education has been a grand, mass experiment to see just how much the powerful could control the powerless. Do you want to be one of the powerless? Is that what you want your children to be? Give them a fighting chance to break out of this social straightjacket.<br />
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Join our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/unhinderedliving">Facebook</a> page<br /><br /><div>Listen to our <a href="https://pspolyamory.podbean.com">Podcast</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br />
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We would like to interview anyone who is unschooling their children, now or in the past. If you would be willing to be interviewed, please email us at: unhinderedliving@gmail.com<br />
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<br /></div>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-40265963033255872312020-01-05T12:00:00.003-07:002021-07-14T17:13:18.327-06:00Pain Reminds Us We’re Still Human<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif"><b>In Western society today, the quest to empower ourselves is endless. Self-help books abound, and we eagerly line up to sit at the feet of any self-styled guru who promises us more of whatever we’re seeking. We want less pain and more pleasure. We want people to stop reminding us of our faults and start building us up. We want to revel in our extraordinary qualities and leave behind our imperfections and vulnerabilities.</b></span><br />
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif"><b>To be sure, a healthy dose of self-esteem is a good thing. But we forget that in life, everything is our teacher, and our pain exists to remind us that we are still human. We will never be extraordinary, and that’s okay.</b></span><br />
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif"><b>Human beings are already perfect - in their messiness, their meanness, their intolerance and their weakness. We have a desire to lift ourselves above these qualities, as if they are somehow less desirable than our more altruistic attributes. But without our messiness, we would not be authentic humans, we would be supermen and women, which we definitely are not.</b></span><br />
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif"><b>We are beautiful, difficult, strong, unreliable, smart, capable, irritating messes. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be. If you expect something higher or nobler from yourself or the people you come in contact with, you are creating your own frustration and pain by holding unreasonable expectations about what being human is supposed to be like. </b></span><br />
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif"><b>The next time you experience pain - physical or emotional - how about taking a deep breath and embracing it rather than running from it? Sit with it a while. I know it feels like a morass you’ll never get out of. You are afraid to stay there too long for fear you can’t get out. But you can, any time you want. Knowing that should help you feel comfortable staying there a little longer. Be a full participant in you life. Don’t eschew parts of it you think aren’t worthy or are too messy. </b></span><br />
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif"><b>Our pain reminds us that we are no different from anyone else, no matter how much we want to be better. There are no good people and bad people. Just humans struggling with our messiness. No villains and victims. We all have the same longings and the same trouble fulfilling them. Almost all of us want companionship along the way. And we want others to honor our choices even if they disagree.</b></span><br />
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif"><b>We’re all just figuring this out as we go, so how about some compassion, for ourselves and those we come in contact with. They don’t show any to me, you say. No, and you shouldn’t expect them to. They’re still figuring out how to do that. But the best hope they have of learning is to see you doing it, day by day. </b></span><br />
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif"><b>It’s a paradox that, as we seek to accomplish the elimination of suffering, we learn that we can’t be human without it. We learn that it has a place in our lives. And when we learn that, our suffering becomes less somehow. We learn to embrace everything and be afraid of nothing. </b></span><br />
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<span face="Verdana, sans-serif"><b>No one can escape their messiness. But we can love ourselves and others anyway.</b></span><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Visit our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Unhinderedliving">Facebook</a> page</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Listen to our <a href="https://unhinderedliving.podbean.com/">Podcast</a><br /></b>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb0-Zf5PW8pBvHBON0Kn1NmegdBBhPOzOpZzSoMCyftt78WKcc9emSmzIYDIq95t8E2glfhB_-34a6dBV8ZL2a7hgtKro8r-d0TkBMAzIyUkvdIBcQuvOh3cb7XK-Fvae0ijBUvA/s1600/3CD64091-CC37-4712-851D-C118C083F3B8.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb0-Zf5PW8pBvHBON0Kn1NmegdBBhPOzOpZzSoMCyftt78WKcc9emSmzIYDIq95t8E2glfhB_-34a6dBV8ZL2a7hgtKro8r-d0TkBMAzIyUkvdIBcQuvOh3cb7XK-Fvae0ijBUvA/s320/3CD64091-CC37-4712-851D-C118C083F3B8.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Today when I got home from picking up my grocery order at Walmart, this is what I found in my bag.<br />
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I did not see this before I got home because it was a grocery pickup order and they loaded it into the back of my car while I sat in the car.<br />
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Walmart, you need to train your employees to remove these items from their protective containers before giving them to us. I needed the test strips immediately, and I live on the other side of town from your store, and I am not wasting my time and gas to drive all the way back so you can remove this. It’s toast now.Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-88092816219564580962019-06-27T11:28:00.003-06:002021-09-16T23:37:04.630-06:00An Example of the Courage to be Disliked<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkiuIjOVhIUYiLeu56PYQK9BCyGQod_tuvhJq5J_DkDcRZ9R9kuGuID2CdLwtNgVjt7bN291a7XNQPEGsewOvn7f1xiz5E_vmTUnkBl0FWv5pUaW9Bdur3IYgnlGPxIItVUkNgag/s1600/4CBD8336-8E0F-4761-9679-4F20223CEE45.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="1280" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkiuIjOVhIUYiLeu56PYQK9BCyGQod_tuvhJq5J_DkDcRZ9R9kuGuID2CdLwtNgVjt7bN291a7XNQPEGsewOvn7f1xiz5E_vmTUnkBl0FWv5pUaW9Bdur3IYgnlGPxIItVUkNgag/s320/4CBD8336-8E0F-4761-9679-4F20223CEE45.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">When I talk and teach about the courage to be disliked in a small group setting, I often hear complaints that no one could possible live this way. No one would be willing to make others dislike them, even if it means giving up freedom. And they don’t see how this would make them feel happier. </span></b><br />
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<b><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">So I have found that giving people examples from my own daily life illustrating how I DO use this practice is helpful to them. </span></b><br />
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<b><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">The two main principles I want to illustrate are separation of tasks (also known as minding your own business) and the courage to be disliked (also known as refraining from people-pleasing). </span></b><br />
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<b><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">The use of these principles can range from simple, everyday issues to serious, far-reaching issues.</span></b><br />
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<b><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">Example One: My husband sits by the front window every day and watches what’s going on outside. Every day he says “Well, they moved that orange car parked in front of the neighbors house” or “Why do you think they have that flag in their front yard?” And my response to him every time he says these things is “I don’t really care.” It’s not relevant</span></b><b><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"> to me, it’s not my business, and frankly, I have more important things to think about.</span></b><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>This is a pretty benign example. But many people feel it’s their job to comment on everything, have an opinion on everything, and have their nose in everyone else’s business. And I just don’t. Unless someone is breaking the law and endangering my safety, what they are doing is irrelevant to me. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>That means how you are living your life is not my business. Separation of tasks. It’s not my task to figure out why there’s a car parked in front of your house or why you have a flag in your yard. It’s your task. It’s also not my task to care what your sexual orientation is, who’s sleeping in your bedroom, how you spend your money, whether you believe in God, or whether or not you’ve had an abortion. Nothing about your life is my business, and I don’t even have an opinion on what you do, except to say you have the right to live the life you choose. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>Example Two: My mother, grandmother, and aunt lived together for years in a house they bought together. When they began to get up in years and their health was failing, they told me that I would inherit their house when they all passed away. I went to the lawyer’s office with them and watched them sign the paperwork. Their intention was that after one of them passed away, the other two would inherit the house, then when the next one passed away the last one would inherit it, and then it would finally pass to me. But after my mother and grandmother died, my aunt was the only one left. I happened to run across some legal documents suggesting that my aunt had changed the will and left the house to my cousins instead. I won’t go into all the reasons she thought this was appropriate. But after a conversation with her I told her, if you leave things the way they are, I will go to court and contest the will, because this was not my mother and grandmothers wish. I told her, I don’t care if you hate me for it. But this is all I have left of my family and you are giving it away to someone else. And I won’t let that happen. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>I was well aware that she made an emotional decision regarding the house and most likely the discussion about this would be an emotional one. And I knew it might permanently damage our relationship. But I had to speak my truth. And frankly, making the decision to give the house to someone else wasn’t her task. That decision had been made long ago. My task wasn’t to worry about how she was going to feel about the conversation or whether she was going to dislike me for it. My task was to right this wrong. I didn’t really care what she thought of me. And no matter how the situation turns out, my job is not to please her. It’s to please myself. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>Example Three: Neither my son nor my daugher-in-law have driver’s licenses due to both of them having health issues that prevent them from driving. So I often take them to doctor’s appointments or to the grocery store. When I learned that my daughter-in-law’s son from a previous marriage was moving to our city, and was going to be living with them while he found a job, place to live, etc., I told them in no uncertain terms that I would not be providing transportation for her son, even though he will also not have a car when he gets here. I also have health issues, and coordinating our schedules to accommodate both their appointments and mine is very stressful. I hoped she would understand this and would not be offended. But if she was, well, that’s her issue. It’s not my task to find a way for him to get to his job and not my task to care about what they think of me. If they don’t like it, frankly, I’m not losing any sleep over it. My task is to take care of myself, not other able-bodied people. He is perfectly able to ride the bus or walk. Or they can pay for an Uber ride for him if they want. That's their task to figure out, not mine. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>Example Four: Religion, politics, subjects like this can make for a very volatile discussion with friends and family. Frankly, I don’t care what your ideology is. It’s irrelevant to me. I don’t believe that embracing a certainty ideology is going to send me to hell, or that there is only one right way to think and believe. I only care about how you treat people. Treat people respectfully even if you don’t agree with them. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>However, having said that, it’s each person’s responsibility to live their own best life. It’s not my responsibility to fight your battles for you. It’s not my task to make sure everyone believes everything that is right. It’s not even my task to decide what IS right. That is for each individual to decide. I do what pleases me and you should do what pleases you. It’s each person’s task to stay in their own business, not other people’s business. If everyone did that, there wold be a lot less conflict. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>But instead, we feel it’s our job to legislate for everyone who is “right.” Never mind that what is “right” can’t be determined. Who’s deciding what is right? My opinion is s valid as yours. So there really is no objective way to decide that. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>If it wasn’t for television, I wouldn’t even know what’s happening anywhere else, and I’d be happy. It’s because we pay too much attention to other people’s tasks that we are unhappy. Then we try to take on their responsibilities. And this makes us more unhappy. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>Wouldn’t you rather be sitting on a beach somewhere, sipping a drink and reading a book? Then go do that, and let the rest of the world take care of itself. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>If someone else’s life isn’t the way they want it to be, it’s their responsibility to change that. It’s not my responsibility, or anyone else’s. Separation of tasks. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>That doesn’t mean I can’t participate in the lives of others. It just means I don’t HAVE to. I can choose not to, and that’s okay. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>And if someone doesn’t like the way I live my life, it’s their task to disapprove and my task not to care what they think. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>What bad thing do you think is going to happen if someone doesn’t like you? Maybe they won’t want to talk to you or be around you? Why is that such a bad thing? There are plenty of other people you can be with. I just don’t understand the need to be liked, so much that you’d rather give away your right to live your own life in return for being liked. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>If one person doesn’t like you, there are a million others out there who will. You don’t need to depend on anyone else to make you feel good about yourself. That’s your task. </b></span><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><br /></b>
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<b><br /></b></div>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-60329191989154156022019-06-25T20:56:00.001-06:002021-07-14T17:14:24.403-06:00The Courage to be Disliked<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVQh0mnidVG9SCqMqhPdcpsEnTx00YA-sjYwFzbCUIgZ0SA_DRCUgnso9Md3CrylPycGtGGkZSV40eUbVKXLDHIVIUyn5-BwB-sCv5mvGPkqEWSZlclZNnvZ5ZpuEMCbP7YbaOsg/s1600/D1748A93-313B-4E4B-9978-3DA191C7D5E0.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="329" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVQh0mnidVG9SCqMqhPdcpsEnTx00YA-sjYwFzbCUIgZ0SA_DRCUgnso9Md3CrylPycGtGGkZSV40eUbVKXLDHIVIUyn5-BwB-sCv5mvGPkqEWSZlclZNnvZ5ZpuEMCbP7YbaOsg/s320/D1748A93-313B-4E4B-9978-3DA191C7D5E0.jpeg" width="210" /></a> </div>
<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>This book presents a revolutionary approach to life and happiness. It presents the psychological approach of Alfred Adler, who was a contemporary of and an opponent of Sigmund Freud. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>Rather than blaming human psychological problems on past traumas as Freud did, Adler makes the case for the fact that we choose our behavior based on whether or not it helps us reach specific goals, either conscious or unconscious. </b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>The author explains, through a dialogue between a wise sage and a misguided young man, that all problems are human relationship problems, mainly the fact that we are unwilling to be disliked by anyone. And therefore, we choose behavior that minimizes the chance we will be disliked. In choosing these behaviors, we give up our freedoms to live our lives as we choose.</b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>I highly recommend this book to everyone. It can change your life if you fully embrace it.</b></span><br />
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<span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b>It also dovetails nicely with the Work of Byron Katie. While Katie states that one should not concern oneself with other people’s business or “God’s business,” Adler espouses a concept called “separation of tasks” in which a person takes responsibility only for his own tasks and chooses to ignore other people’s tasks. The main human problem is that we want to take responsibility for tasks that are not ours. This causes us to make choices which result in an unfree lifestyle in which we cannot be happy. We choose to please others rather than ourselves. </b></span><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><br /></b>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil80wXmsn4XtEfA14yNEXBZqqH4ITqCJEG7hxVWoVptDMMoMfER2vr77T1Px3FVuBhceeI_iVviJ_mXOtJdKE3AYzIj7if4NcxUTTp4AxbFryNlWKPRNkP1gCMh90bUQLYZsHwYQ/s1600/peopletalking.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1360" data-original-width="1360" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil80wXmsn4XtEfA14yNEXBZqqH4ITqCJEG7hxVWoVptDMMoMfER2vr77T1Px3FVuBhceeI_iVviJ_mXOtJdKE3AYzIj7if4NcxUTTp4AxbFryNlWKPRNkP1gCMh90bUQLYZsHwYQ/s200/peopletalking.png" width="200" /></a></div>
I was recently meeting with a group of friends. We were talking about having lovingkindness for all beings. I was talking about my feeling of connection with all that exists, with all other beings. They were complaining that they don't feel this connection, especially with people with whom they disagree or they don't like. But I assured them, it's there.<br />
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I asked them to try this exercise with me. We sat in a circle facing each other. Feet firmly planted on the ground. Eyes closed, body relaxed. I asked them to hum a mantra or chant. We used the syllable Ohm. There's nothing magical about that syllable, you can use anything you want. But that ah sound is deep and rich and resonates well within your body, and if you're in a room with good acoustics, it resonates beautifully in the room. We happened to be outside.<br />
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So I asked them to repeatedly chant this sound along with me. We sat silently and chanted the syllable several times. I asked them if, as they were listening to the sound being produced by those around them, if this made them feel more connected to those individuals. We sat and chanted some more. As I listened to the person next to me, the energy of the sound connected with my hearing apparatus. Light and sound are both energy. They produce waves that are sent out and connect with other beings. When you see another person, light is bouncing off their bodies and into your eyes. When they make sound, that energy wave is being sent out and connects with your ears. You are literally connected to them.<br />
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But those are only the forms of energy that our senses are consciously aware of and can pick up. It's a fact that our unconscious minds take in 11 million bits of information per second, but our conscious minds can only process 40 bits per second. So almost all of what the communication we receive from the outside world is beyond our conscious perception. But our unconscious minds collect what we can't perceive, store it, and use it to help us make unconscious decisions.<br />
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The point is, you are connected to every other being in ways you can't consciously perceive, but they exist nonetheless.<br />
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As we sat chanting, we became aware of this connection because the sound allows us to perceive the connection. And after the chanting, those who participated said that yes, it did help them feel more connected to those around them.<br />
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I encouraged them to realize, next time they are hearing someone talking who is saying something they don't like, or they think about someone they've had conflict with or simply don't feel connected to, realize that you do have an imperceptible connection to that person. You can leave the room, turn off their voice, put them out of your mind, but you are still connected. You need to find a way to deal with your feelings toward them because you can't sever that connection, and you'll be unhappy the rest of your life by being connected to people who you feel negatively towards.<br />
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You can't change the fact that you are connected. You can only change your own reaction toward this connection. It's really the only chance you've got to be happy.<br />
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You can't even alleviate it by becoming a hermit, because even when you're alone, the connection to the rest of the human race is still there.<br />
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You were born into a network of imperceptible energy connections. The chanting only highlighted and made that connection perceptible for you. If you've ever had a thought about that person, that thought is in your unconscious mind, so even when you're not consciously thinking of them, you are connected to them unconsciously.<br />
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So you better get some happy thoughts about that person, or you'll be miserable the rest of your life.<br />
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How can you have happy thoughts about a person you don't like? It's not hard at all.<br />
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Your thoughts about that person are part of your story. The story that says they're a bad person. They story that says they've done bad things. But it's just a story.<br />
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But you say no, it's not just a story. And you start recounting all the bad things they've done. But the past is just a story. It's not happening now, it's over. The past is not real. It's only in your imagination. You keep it alive by continuing to think about it and characterize it as bad.<br />
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What happened in the past doesn't matter. It's just a movie that's playing in your head.<br />
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You might say "That person is hurting me by saying x, y, z. They shouldn't be doing that."<br />
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Can you absolutely, positively know that it's true that they shouldn't be doing that?<br />
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They're not saying anything to you right now. You're just remembering something that was said in the past. And the past isn't real. So in real time, right now, nobody's hurting you. It is absolutely not true that they are hurting you. Only your memory is hurting you. The thoughts you insist on clinging to are hurting you.<br />
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Who would you be without the thought "They shouldn't be doing that?" Pretend you're standing in front of that person, and they're saying something you don't like, and you're thinking "They shouldn't be doing that." It doesn't feel good, does it?<br />
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Now what if you couldn't think that thought? What if it was impossible for you to think the thought "They shouldn't be doing that." You're standing there in front of them and they are talking and if you couldn't think that thought, how would you respond to what they're saying?<br />
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Let's imagine they are saying "You never take responsibility for anything that's your fault." Now, if you aren't able to think the thought "They shouldn't be doing that," what would you be thinking about what they're saying? Answer this question for me. Has there ever been a time when you didn't take responsibility for something you did? I think we could all say that yes, we've done that at one time or another. So that person is speaking the truth to you, but you push that truth away by saying they shouldn't be telling you that. It's just a defense mechanism.<br />
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If you weren't thinking the thought "They shouldn't be doing that" you'd be able to see where the other person is coming from. And that would make them more human to you. That would make you both able to connect. Then you'd be able to respond by saying "Yes, I can see that, and I'm working on that." What would be so wrong with that? It's so important for us to be right that we're willing to make the other person wrong every simgle time in order to feel better about ourselves. Except we don't feel better. Remember, when you think "They shouldn't be saying that" it doesn't feel good.<br />
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The goal is to see things clearly, and by doing so, relieve stress and suffering so you can feel good. Blaming doesn't feel good.<br />
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Removing the idea of "I need to be right all the time" helps to alleviate stress. You don't need to be right all the time, and neither does anybody else. In fact, nobody has to be right, ever.<br />
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You don't have to be right all the time, and you can't expect others to be right all the time. It's just not reality. Reality is that people are imperfect.<br />
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You are no more perfect than the people you don't like.<br />
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We are all the same.<br />
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Yes, you say, but I haven't done x, y, or z like they did.<br />
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No, but you've done other hurtful things. We all have.<br />
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Own it.<br />
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The fact that you can acknowledge that we are all the same, we are all imperfect, we are all on a level playing field. There's nothing unfair happening. It's just your story, your illusion, to make youself look good.<br />
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There's nothing unfair happening.<br />
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When you truly see that, all the disconnection falls away.<br />
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<br /></div>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-57515187663421457522018-02-23T13:49:00.005-07:002021-09-16T23:38:33.532-06:00We Are In Control of Nothing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Gwzq6OKKDjtGIlGB0H1gIG4GEz8KFIk9JoyEIZ1RWGyyTEoNEljuqY0nmxotfDzngszOd_qvE18h9iRjzfpfGAJ61LjKCoWc9dNTJmALK_PlshOJqq0lqsSVfkMeY72-ieoyRg/s1600/j0401561.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="1280" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Gwzq6OKKDjtGIlGB0H1gIG4GEz8KFIk9JoyEIZ1RWGyyTEoNEljuqY0nmxotfDzngszOd_qvE18h9iRjzfpfGAJ61LjKCoWc9dNTJmALK_PlshOJqq0lqsSVfkMeY72-ieoyRg/s200/j0401561.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
The idea that we are in control of our lives is an illusion. We are not in charge of anything; whether or not we get cancer, whether we get a good job or not, whether someone else loves us or not, or whether or not we get shot down by terrorists. Sure, we might be able to improve the odds of good things happening by eating healthy foods, going to college and working hard, being sweet and trying to please people, or staying out of dangerous places. But ultimately, we just aren't in control of what happens in our lives.<br />
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When you really think about the prospect that you have no control over anything, that can be a little bit upsetting. But there is one thing you ARE in control of, or can be in control of. And that's yourself.<br />
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I often tell people that I am happy all the time, don't worry about things, feel peaceful and contented despite my circumstances and can get along with even the most irritating person. I don't stress about life. When I say those things, some people are in awe of it, and some are incredulous. They don't believe it's possible, don't believe I am capable of it. They think I am exaggerating or even outright lying.<br />
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But I'm not. This is truly how I feel.<br />
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But that's not to say that those worries don't pop up. Sometimes a disquieting thought will happen. But I'm in control of what I do with that thought.<br />
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Thoughts fleetingly come and go through our minds at all times. We can't prevent that from happening. Our minds imagine all kinds of things. We have good imaginations and our brains work constantly to stretch our creative muscles. Therefore, we are constantly creating scenarios in our minds where we make up stories about what MIGHT happen. Most of those things never happen. But we can frighten ourselves into living a very limited kind of life if we believe those thoughts.<br />
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When a disquieting thought comes up, I choose to deal with it in a way that keeps my peace intact.<br />
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The other day, I was explaining to some friends that I feel this connection with all that exists. This connection helps me know how to treat people in every situation because I believe our universe is a large living organism of which we are all a part. I would no sooner hurt someone else than to hurt my own body. In a way, every person or thing that exists is part of my body. Just as we don't want to bring pain to our own bodies, it would hurt me to know I'd brought pain to another being.<br />
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My friends were saying that they don't feel this connction themselves. They can accept it intellectually, that we are all dependent on each other in this ecosystem which we all share. But that it is not something they feel with their hearts.<br />
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I don't like being judgemental because it doesn't feel good. It feels like I am hurting others and myself. I don't like putting others down, it doesn't feel good. I like having unconditional positive regard for everyone. Everyone deserves respect, even if their thoughts, beliefs or actions aren't desirable. If I injure my foot, I might not like the fact that my foot is hurting, but I still love my foot and want to nuture it back to health. The same is true of others in my life. They may say or do somethign unpleasant, but that doesn't mean I am going to abandon them or cut them off. I will try to nurture them, be supportive to them, and if it's the only thing I can do, leave them alone to live their lives. But I won't intentionally hurt them.<br />
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I try not to take a side. If you take a side, that's a judgment. You've judged that one side is right and the other is wrong. I have learned that rarely is it that black and white. If I don't take a side, I can maintain respect for everyone. If I get up on my high horse and start to preach about one side being wrong and the other being right, I have become divisive. I've alienated someone. Mostly myself, because if I believe someone is wrong, then that makes me feel negative toward them, makes me feel I don't want to be around them, and creates this artificial wall between us. And that doesn't feel good.<br />
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It's also not constructive because when you create that wall, you've stopped listening to that other person. You become unable to consider their point of view. Once you've decided they're wrong, something in your brain prevents you from seeing your bias.<br />
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Now, having said all that, this finally has become very easy for me to do. I've trained myself to think this way. But I don't want you to think that I never had a stressful thought or never feel inclined to take a side. It still happens, but it's what I do with it that counts.<br />
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Yesterday I was watching David Letterman interview Barack Obama after he had left office. When the interview was beginning, I didn't know who Letterman's guest was going to be. He then said, "Let's welcome the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama." And then, my heart jumped up into my mouth. There was a sudden rush of adrenaline and I was so happy. Because I don't think there is a person in the world that I respect more than Barack Obama.<br />
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It's no secret that I have been very disappointed in our current president and the direction he is taking the country. But as I do with every other person in my life, I try not to have negative feelings toward him, and I continue to believe that everything will be all right in the end.<br />
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But for a moment, my mind started to stretch its creative muscle, and I imagined what it would be like if Barack Obama was to run for president again. I imagined hearing the announcement that he had won the election, and I watched my internal reaction. I jumped for joy, shouted, and felt vindicatred in disliking our current president.<br />
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In that moment, I had taken a side. You must realize how easy it is for this to happen, even for someone who has trained themselves to do otherwise.<br />
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The difference is, you don't have to stay in that moment. I make a conscious choice every day to be happy in my present circumstances, whatever they are, not to make other people wrong, and to go with the flow of life.And it works for me pretty well.<br />
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Because I am not in control of anything, except how I respond to my circumstances. When I start to take a side, that's a circumstance I'm not in control of. But my response to those thoughts, I can make a choice about. Eventually, after constantly reminding myself not to take a side, not to make others wrong, not to try and be right, it becomes almost second nature. And those judgmental thoughts stop happening as often.<br />
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The point is, being happy no matter what your circumstances is possible for anyone. It may take you a while of constantly training yourself to get to that point. But I wouldn't trade the ability to stand in that place for anything. It's an invaluable skill. And it's a skill that you can learn.<br />
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Whether I'm in control of my life or not (mostly not), the point is, I don't want to suffer. This way of life has reduced my suffering from 90% down to 5%. And it continues to inch lower. It might not ever get to zero because I still have a fight-or-flight response that kicks in occasionally in an involuntary way. But I can quickly dispense with whatever the momentary fluctuation in mood is by reminding myself to stay out of other people's business, and just enjoy my life.<br />
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Because no matter what's going on outside myself, right here in this present moment, I am still all right.<div><br /></div><div><br />
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<br /></div>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-66752695957832090682017-11-02T11:20:00.004-06:002018-09-08T14:39:18.846-06:00Loving the TerroristIf you're a Christian, it's easy to justify loving the terrorist. Matthew 5:44 states "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you and persecute you."<br />
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But what about those of us who don't espouse Christian theology? Can we find it in our hearts to love the terrorist?<br />
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And why would we want to?<br />
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First, any discussion of what I should or shouldn't personally do has to begin with this premise: I don't want to suffer. I don't want to cause myself suffering. And when I don't love others, when I hold resentment, anger, fear or hate in my heart, I am the one who is suffering. It's not doing anything to the terrorist. It's hurting me.<br />
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Resentment, anger, fear, and hate don't feel good. They cause a fight-or-flight response in my body, and cause distress to my mind. I don't feel at rest or at peace when I am experiencing them. And I don't make good decisions.<br />
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I'm not gaining anything by cultivating these negative states. I'm not furthering the cause of freedom. I'm not punishing anybody or holding anybody accountable. I'm only harming myself.<br />
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Second, if I am experiencing resentment, anger, fear or hate, it follows that I am experiencing those because I have in some way been harmed. But I haven't. I haven't been harmed in any way, so I have no right to point these strong emotions at people who have not harmed me personally.<br />
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Third, even if I had supposedly, in some people's opinion, been harmed, does it follow that thsese emotions are the right response? Not really. Because even though YOU might think I've been harmed, I haven't. No one can harm me. Only I can harm myself. I don't agree that anyone else can do anything harmful to me. An event that happens to me is only bad if I think it's bad. If it happens, and I don't feel threatened or angry or unsafe, then it hasn't harmed me. Harm comes when I attach meaning to that event, a story I tell myself about it that says it's bad.<br />
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But, you say, shouldn't I feel that a terrorist blowing people up is bad? I'm aware that many people in our society would attach a negative connotation to that act. And I'm not telling that you can't if you want to. I'm just saying, I can't.<br />
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People have inherent worth and dignity, despite their beliefs or actions. None of us are perfect. And our worth should not and does not depend on what we do. If it did, then none of us would have any self worth. Because we have all caused pain to others, in a myriad of different ways. Singling out the terrorist as somehow being worse than us is disingenuous. And you may say, yes, but I haven't killed anyone. Well, what is worse, committing one act which causes a person momentary pain, and is immediately over, or causing a person pain every day of your life by consistently hurting them physically or emotionally, over and over by the way you treat them? Unkind words and actions are just as devastating, and people have to live with those daily from you, whether you believe it or not.<br />
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Go to a friend or relative and ask them to honestly tell you what was the last thing you said or did to them that was unkind, hurtful or thoughtless. You will be surprised at how frequently you hurt people and don't even know it. Doesn't matter if you meant to or not, you've done it.<br />
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I love mercy. Mercy feels right. Retribution feels wrong.<br />
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I would show mercy to you for your hurtful words and actions. I would show mercy to the terrorist. Of course, I can only do this in my heart, as I am not in charge of handing out punishments in this country, and I don't want to be. I'm not talking about whether or not they should be held accountable for their crimes. I'm talking about what we do to get through our day, to be happy, to live with ourselves, and be at peace. And peace doesn't come from retribution. It comes from embracing the humanity in all of us.<br />
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Copyright Judie C. McMath and The Center for Unhindered Living<br />
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<br />Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-43036574619280263762017-09-26T14:34:00.001-06:002018-09-08T14:42:27.260-06:00Unlearning Our Childhood<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today I was rifling through my pantry trying to find something. I stood back to look at the shelves and saw that all the canned goods were neatly stacked on the left side of one shelf. Except for one lonely can of tomato sauce that was by itself on another shelf. At that moment, I got a pang of sadness on behalf of the lonely can, and moved it so that it sat with the other canned goods.<br />
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Have you ever felt sorry for a can of tomato sauce, or some other inanimate object? <br />
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My mind went back to my childhood. I'd be sitting at the table eating and the meal would be close to over. There would be one slice of bacon left on the serving plate, or one small spoonful of peas in the serving dish and someone in my family would say, "Look at that piece of bacon, all alone. He's going to be so sad that he's not in your stomach with his friends." And so I would eat the piece of bacon so he wouldn't feel lonely.<br />
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Now, any sane person knows that bacon doesn't have feelings. A can of tomato sauce can't be sad. But because those are the tactics used by my family, even now, fifty years later, I still experience that pang of sadness and loneliness on behalf of the loner. And probably one reason I can never leave food on my plate (leading to a lifelong weight problem). <br />
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How many of those supposedly innocent things our parents said to us have affected us for life without us even knowing it?<br />
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Probably another thing that came out of that was the compulsive need to finish everything I start. You may think that's a good thing. It's not. It's important to know when enough is enough. It's important to know that you are in charge of your own life, and you have the right to stop doing something if it's not what you want to be doing. You don't have to dot every i and cross every t. You don't have to close every door you open. <br />
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Many things that parents make their kids do are counterproductive to this understanding. The understanding that I shouldn't have to do somthing that makes me uncomfortable just because an adult or an authority figure says I should do it. I still have autonomy. <br />
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But how many of these things have you made your kids say or do, or heard someone else do it?<br />
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Making your child hug or kiss a relative they aren't comfortable with.<br />
Making your child apologize for something when they aren't sorry.<br />
Making your child show respect to someone who doesn't deserve it.<br />
Making your child eat something they don't like.<br />
Making your child conform to gender stereotypes.<br />
Making your child say "Yes sir" or "No sir."<br />
Making sure your child knows that his behavior should never embarrass you (even though that's YOUR issue, not his). <br />
Making your child believe that sharing is more important than personal autonomy.<br />
Making your child sleep in a dark room alone, even though he's fearful.<br />
Chastising your child because he doesn't do well in school.<br />
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These are just some of the examples. <br />
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So many of us need to unlearn what we were taught. We need to stop feeling bad about things that have nothing to do with us. We need to stop feeling bad about things that were our parents' issues and not our issues. We need to start feeling comfortable in our own skin, perfectly happy with who we are. And we need to realize that even if we don't make our beds every day, even if we don't care about school, even if we hate vegan food, even if we don't feel obliged to vote, even if we don't believe in god, even if we don't want to sleep alone, even if we aren't pro-life and Republican, we're still okay.<br />
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Copyright Judie C. McMath and The Center for Unhindered LivingJudie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30115260.post-46982972317043740132017-09-22T13:25:00.003-06:002021-07-14T17:16:52.703-06:00The Purple CouchWe are all looking for meaning in life. It is a basic tenet of human existence that we need to find order in chaos. But how to do that is the question.<br />
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Any human constructed or derived system has flaws because humans are flawed. But that's all we have to work with. Even religious systems of thought that are supposed to come from divine sources are only systems derived by humans. The gods or goddesses serve only as vehicles for us to accomplish what every human since the beginning of time has tried to do. Come up with some way of understanding the world and some way to navigate our place in it while trying to reach some level of happiness and contentment. <br />
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None of the systems available, whether religious, philosophical, or scientific, meet this goal well. And we must ask ourselves, why is this so elusive? <br />
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The most obvious answer is that we are trying to give meaning to something that is inherently meaningless. In that case, no matter what kind of system of thought we apply to it, it will never makes sense. <br />
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So are there any universal principles that can be derived from our experiences here on earth? Is there anything we can count on to be true?<br />
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The answer is no. Because everything that we perceive as existing in the world exists only in our minds. And although we may think we share a common experience of a particular thing, we can never be sure that's the case. The world that YOU experiences is perceived by your mind, through the biology of your brain. But my experience of that same world may be perceived totally differently. <br />
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For instance, you and I may be sitting on a purple couch together. At least, that's the mutually agreed upon definition of what we're doing. Photons of light hit this thing we're sitting on and the photons bounce into our eyes. My brain and your brain translate these photons into an image that has color, length, width, depth and texture. But we don't really know if we're seeing the same thing at all. When we both look at the couch, we see what we call color. But we don't know what that color really is. Let's say that on the floor next to the couch is also a purple pillow. So I look at the couch and I look at the pillow and I say hey, those two things are the same color. And you look at them and say yeah, they are. Now we have to agree on a name for that color. So we agree to call it purple. But all we really know is that the couch and the pillow are the same color. We still don't really know what that color is because there is no objective standard. I can't ever know if what I see as purple and what you see as purple are really the same. All I can determine is that we both see the couch and the pillow as the same color. But I could be seeing it as purple and you could actually be seeing green. We can't know that because no one can see what another person sees. We just agreed to CALL it purple for convenience, but there is no way to EVER know that the colors look the same to both of us. <br />
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All of reality is like this. You can never know that the way you perceive things is right. And therefore you cannot judge someone else for perceiving something differently than you because there IS NO OBJECTIVE TRUTH.<br />
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So our whole world is constructed around mutually agreed upon definitions which are often wrong. Nothing that you believe to be true can actually be validated as true. <br />
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I must keep this in mind as I walk through my day. Anything I experience is subject to misinterpretation, both by me and others. Most of the things I attach significance to aren't really significant at all. And therefore nothing to get upset about. I should therefore approach my day with a sense of wonder and curiosity rather than irritation, expectations and suffering. <br />
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How can you have an expectation about something you know absolutely nothing about? Expectations are derived from past experience. You think something happened a certain way before and so it will again. You can't have an expectation unless you think you know something. You think you know how something is supposed to happen and you are disappointed when it doesn't happen that way again. But your expectation is unrealistic because you don't really know anything. You are basing your happiness on an illusion.<br />
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If you were the only one alive in this world and therefore the only one perceiving it, then you could confidently make some assertions about what is objective truth. But once there is even one other person in the world perceiving it as well, there is no longer any objective truth. It's not like there is a meter out there that I can hook up to the couch which will register whether it is purple or not. Your brain is the meter. Your brain is the tool that is measuring all the parameters of the couch. <br />
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If we want to do objective research on say, the temperature in the city we live in, we first have to have a way to measure temperature. So you and I go to the store and buy two sophisticated temperature measuring devices. And we decide we are going to go out and measure the temperature in different parts of the city. The first thing we have to do is calibrate our two machines to make sure they are measuring the same. So we get a cup of water and we put the two devices in the water and see if we get the same temperature. If they do, then we might be able to make some objective statements about the temperature in our city based on these measurements. <br />
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The problem is, there's no way to do this with our human brains as the instrument. If the two temperature measuring devices don't match, then we can change the calibration until they do match. But there is no way to know if our brains are objectively measuring things the same way. So we can never know which perception of the couch is correct. Is it purple or is it green? We can never know. <br />
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So in order to continue to live in the world, most people agree to accept arbitrary definitions for things. The couch is purple, people shouldn't steal from each other, children should be seen and not heard, my spouse should pay attention to me, nobody should hurt me, I should always follow the rules, the rules are important, the rules are necessary, there is a god, my way is right. All these are arbitrary definitions that somebody has constructed to define their truth. But they are all arbitrary. They are not reality. <br />
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You are free to determine your own reality. You need no justification for it. When someone disagrees with your reality, you have no need to get defensive and try to justify why you believe what you believe and neither does anyone else. No one way of perceiving reality is right while all others are wrong. <br />
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So, you can construct a reality in which you get upset about every little thing that doesn't agree with you, or you can construct a reality in which you are always happy, despite your circumstances. <br />
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There is really no need for unhappiness. Unhappiness simply means you have a flawed perception of reality. There's no judgment to this. It's neither right nor wrong to have flawed perception. It's just the state you happen to be in. You are not a bad person because of your perception. You are not defective. You are simply experiencing what it's like to be human. <br />
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Next time you experience frustration with someone or with a situation, remember the purple couch. Remember that you cannot know if they are seeing the couch the same way as you.<br />
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For instance, let's say you want your spouse to pay more attention to you. You think they spend too much time working, and when they're with you they aren't really paying attention to you, and you're irritated by this. Where's the purple couch in this situation?<br />
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You do not know that you and your spouse are perceiving the situation alike. Just as you can't really know that you see the purple couch the same way, you can't know that you and your spouse both agree on what "paying enough attention" is. Your spouse can't read your mind. Have you told them how much attention you expect? Have they agreed to that? If not, then how can you hold them to that standard? How much time is "too much" spent working? How do you know what is "too much"? How do you know that either of these situations warrants you being irritated? Who is the ultimate authority on whether your spouse is working too much and paying too little attention to you? There is no ultimate authority. The definitions are arbitrary. No one is right and no on is wrong.<br />
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Since you can't depend on these arbitrary definitions, you can't hold your spouse to that as a standard. Not only is it unfair to hold them to a standard they didn't agree to, it's unfair to hold them to a standard that isn't really a standard. It's just your opinion. <br />
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So you can't blame your spouse for your irritation. Yet, you can't deny that the irritation is there. What do you do about it?<br />
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This isn't about invalidating your feelings. You're irritated and something needs toe done about it. But it's YOU who needs to do something about it, not your spouse. Not anyone else. Just you.<br />
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Since it's only your perception that can ever define your existence, how can you expect anyone else to change your perception? Only you can do that. To expect other people to change, or your situation to change, as a method to make you happy makes no sense. That's like saying I'm unhappy because the couch is purple. Then you expect your spouse to change that. Your spouse can't change your perception of the couch. Whether it's purpose or green, your spouse can't change the way your brain perceives that color. Your spouse can't change whether you are happy or unhappy, irritated or content. You shouldn't expect that. <br />
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If you simply CHANGE YOUR MIND about what your spouse is doing, then you won't be unhappy. Why should I have to change but my spouse doesn't have to do anything? Because you can only change yourself, you can't change anything else in the world. And to think that you can is to repeatedly bang your head against a brick wall. You are arguing with reality and that makes no sense and only makes you suffer.<br />
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So I guess the question is, do you want to suffer, or not? I don't. <br />
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Some people would say that avoiding suffering should not be our goal. They see suffering as noble and necessary. I see it as pointless and self-defeating. There is nothing to be gained by intentionally suffering. <br />
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So, I gladly and cheerfully encourage my spouse to live in a way that makes him happy. Work as much as he wants, spend as much or as little time with me as he wants, because my happiness is not going to be affected at all. I've made up my mind to be happy, and so I will be. <br />
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But what about that irritation I'm feeling, you say? I'm irritated because I want to spend more time with my spouse. Maybe it's not about your spouse at all. Maybe you just want to feel connected. If you can't be connected to your spouse at that moment, some other person or thing can give you that connection. It's an arbitrary rule somebody thought up that says that only our spouse can meet our needs. Only our spouse can or should provide connection and validation. This is an erroneous, arbitrary rule. <br />
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And then again, we must realize that our perception of what "connection" is or should be is once again arbitrary. No two people's perception of this connection is the same. So your spouse probably has no idea that you are bothered by this lack of agreement about connection. Your irritation with your spouse needs to be redirected. Irritation is probably not an accurate and helpful description. Let's think of another word. <br />
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When you feel any negative emotion, whether it's irritation, frustration, anger, fear, etc. This is similar to the pedestrian detection censors they are starting to put on cars that detect the presence of pedestrians and stop the car from hitting them. Your emotional guidance system tells you when to make a course correction. It doesn't tell you anything about what your spouse should be doing. It tells you what YOU should be doing. You and you alone. <br />
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When you feel irritated, frustrated, angry, fearful, your emotional guidance system is telling you that YOU need to change something. NOT that your spouse needs to change or that the situation needs to change. YOU need to change. If you're sailing along and you start to feel irritated at your spouse because you have the thought "My spouse isn't spending enough time with me," stop your vehicle and make a course correction. Change your direction. <br />
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Find something in that moment that DOESN'T make you feel irritated. What could you do to take away that irritated feeling that doesn't involve changing your spouse or the situation? Because you never can and never should try to change another person.<br />
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Well, I just can't do that, you say. Some people are doing destructive things. Some people need to change. Once again, are you enjoying banging your head against that brick wall? How's that going for you? <br />
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The bottom line is, you are causing your own suffering. You can stop banging your head against that brick wall at any time. But you insist that causing yourself pain is somehow better? HOW?<br />
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You are accomplishing nothing by suffering. The other person doesn't want to change, doesn't see any need to change, and frankly, THERE IS NO NEED FOR THEM TO CHANGE if they don't want to. So you are the only one that's suffering. And you are a hypocrite. Because in one breath you say people should stop doing destructive things and here you are banging your head against a brick wall, causing your own suffering. And you don't see that as destructive.<br />
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So the simplest, easiest, path of less suffering is, live and let live. Don't expect anything of anyone. Just go live your life and make yourself happy. Don't worry about other people. Don't worry about whether they are doing the right thing or whether they are doing what you would do. Just live. This is radical acceptance.<br />
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Copyright Judie C. McMath and The Center for Unhindered Living<br />
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<br /></div>Judie McMathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16006643154554527042noreply@blogger.com0