Monday, March 28, 2022

Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May

I am sitting here this fine Monday morning, contemplating my purpose and intention for the day. No, actually for the year, and perhaps the decade.

Robert Herrick’s poem, from which the title of this post is taken, enjoins young virgins to marry while they are young, when their “youth and blood are warmer.” In other words, don’t waste time. Take advantage of your opportunities while they exist.

I am 61 years old at the time of this writing. Many people would say my opportunities are past. But I beg to differ. This decade is shaping up to be the best decade of my life. When I ask people to guess my age, they usually say 45 or 50, and I don’t correct them unless there is a need to. 45 is just about how I feel in my mind. Old enough to have learned a few things. Young enough to still enjoy life.

What am I enjoying? I am enjoying the love and attention of men of all ages. 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. And it is glorious.

My husband and I are polyamorous. What does that mean? It means we not only love each other, but agree that others are welcome in our relationship as well. No judgement, no jealousy, just multiple consensual meaningful relationships. We follow the ancient and newly rediscovered paradigm of ethical non-monogamy. 

What makes it ethical to have multiple partners? The honesty, openness, and transparency with which we approach our relationships, and in fact our whole lives. We have no secrets. Each of us knows about what the other is doing, and agree to it. There is no cheating, and no deception. 

No, we haven’t broken our wedding vows. We are not promising “til death do us part” although we see no reason why we would part. We have promised to love each other, support each other, and stay together, as long as it is healthy for both of us. We did not vow to be the only love in each other’s lives, because that would be unhealthy.

As a human species, non-monogamy is our genetic inheritance. Our DNA is encoded with genes that encourage us to bond with multiple partners. For millions of years, this was the norm, until so-called “civilization” decided otherwise. 

Now, instead of just accepting the dictates of society, you have another choice. Multiple choices, really, because polyamory knows no boundaries. There’s no wrong way to do it, and no one way that is best for everyone. 

What this means for me is, I feel gloriously and wonderfully alive. Fully in control of and enjoying my sexual freedom to express myself in whatever way I choose. And taking back the terms “slut” and “whore” from the depths of non-respectability.

A woman, or man for that matter, should not be labeled negatively because they enjoy the full range of sexual experience available to them. And anyone who knows me knows I will not tolerate shaming in this matter.

What does polyamory look like for us? Multiple friends, friends with benefits, non-sexual romantic partnerships, and fully sexual intimate partners. They all meet legitimate needs, and are all perfectly natural and satisfying.

Consequently, the decade of my sixties is looking to be the best of my life. Yes, I wish I had pursued this lifestyle when I was younger, but these choices were not available to me at that time. And now they are. Being free to love whoever you choose opens up so many possibilities in your life. You can’t imagine the exhilaration, the sense of the unlimited. 

As I sit here and contemplate the day, and the decade, my intention is to wring every ounce of meaning out of it that I can. To share my love with as many people as I can, as long as those relationships provide meaningful emotional connections. Because that’s what we all want - connection.

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