Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Today's Work - My Husband's Unsafe Choices

Right now, my husband is in rehab after having surgery. He has some physical and mental therapy to do so he can get strong enough to come home.

Today I accompanied him to a doctor's appointment. It was obvious from listening to him converse with the doctor that he still has some memory issues and confusion and he is sometimes unaware of this. He also has issues with his balance and strength on his right side, and with his vision.

At one point, we were sitting and waiting for transportation and he started doing some things that were unsafe. Right now he's supposed to be using a walker to help him be steadier when he walks, at least until he gets stronger. He started walking around without the walker, outside on concrete, and trying to go into the parking lot. I asked him to stop, explaining why it was not safe. He continued.

Finally after begging, pleading, shouting and crying, he did come back inside while we continued to wait  I asked him, don't you know what you were doing is unsafe and he said why? I explained it again.

So now it's time for me to release my expectations of how he's "supposed" to be behaving. First of all, if he has mental limitations, I can't expect him to always do what he's "supposed" to do. And secondly, whether he's mentally competent or not, it's his choice. And whatever the outcome, it's all good.

If I don't want to spend the rest of my life stressed out, I have to release this. I have to be okay with reality. Loving what is.

So, "People aren't supposed to do unsafe things." Is it true?

No, people do unsafe things all the time. It's their choice.

The real question is "I'm comfortable with whatever my husband's choices are, even if they are unsafe." Is it true?

So if he continues to do unsafe things, and he continues to constantly fall and hurt himself, and I can't get him to listen to me and be safe, my only option is to have him taken back to assisted living permanently, because I don't physically have the ability to pick him up off the ground when he falls. And I can't keep calling the fire department or ambulance every time I can't pick him up.

So we'll have to have a talk, and I'll have to tell him, these are the options.

Then, whatever happens, I must believe that it's what was supposed to happen, and be okay with it. Be a lover of reality. Don't argue with reality. This is my mantra.

And don't feel guilty about having to make this choice.

These are the decisions of daily life. Daily choosing to live in reality. To be okay with what is. To not get caught up on our stories and believe untrue thoughts. This releases stress and brings peace.

I can't tell you how just thinking this through and writing this down makes all the difference in being able to feel peaceful.


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Copyright  Judie C. McMath and The Center for Unhindered Living



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